Cut your umbilical

   Boob tube, idiot box and Matlock box.  Broke my ties with standard, 72-channel cable t.v., and living much happier. Savin' some BUCKS!  Problem is, I waste a lot of time on the 'net now. But then, "Time enjoyed is time well-spent."

   How many times have you complained to yourself that there's only garbage on? (Jersey Shore, s-e-x this and that, baby daddy DNA testing, etc. etc. ad nauseum.)  Another thing:  Why our t.v.s so often the centerpieces of our living rooms?  Consider why the focal point is the television.  It doesn't have to be, and nothing is wrong if it is.  Information and entertainment are easily consumed in this format.  But there are alternatives.  Why not the fireplace?  Would life be simpler in that way?  Is a simpler life what Americans want?

Western culture and hyperadvertising in about 100 years, as interpreted in 'Idiocracy'

   I have limited basic cable, and internet. Total bill: about 40 bucks. Much nicer than paying $120. I have about 23 channels, more than enough - nothing's on anyway! I guess I like AMC and local news the most.    My channel, the cagey channel would be, "Cagey: all documentaries, all the time."  I'd interview Don DeLillo about his book White Noise.

   You can do it! Cut it!

   P.S. THEY WILL NOT TELL YOU ABOUT LIMITED BASIC. I didn't even know that was an option until asking over 3 times how to lower my bill! I'd take up the conversation every few months or so when I got sick of one of the pay channels and wanted to swap HBO for Showtime, etc. They go around regurgitating directly into the public consciousness "bundle this" and "bundle that." Nonsense!

   And whenever I see that annoying Cox guy with the atrocious ten years out-of-date puke green v-neck and blazing white undershirt, I want to throw the tube out the window!!

   Of all cable paragons (good and bad), don't get me started on UHF. That was the best broadcasting satire of all time. OF ALL TIME.



   O.k.: What's the deal here?  We were just talking about going all Jeremiah Johnson and abandoning our cushioned perches.  People love western culture.  T.v. and cinema, along with the symbology thereof, is one of our biggest exports, simultaneously rejected and loved. Counterfeited extensively, and part of how we identify ourselves ("I like the following shows."), the problem is that it peaked in the '80s. That's right, we've been living in a new dark age for 20 years.  If I were a big-shot t.v. producer like Weird Al, and couldn't have my own documentary channel, but could do my own programming, then I'd have a lineup like this:

5PM: Macneil/Lehrer Newshour  (Sigh, memories)
6PM: Street Hawk
7PM: Magnum, P.I.
8PM: Airwolf
9PM: Miami Vice
10PM: 80s movie (Showtime's interstitials were SMOOVE!)
1130: Yo! MTV Raps or Headbangers' Ball
12AM: The Benny Hill Show
1AM: Dr. Who  (Pre-paper route awesomeness)
2AM: Star Hustler
230: '80s pay channel interstitials.HBO bumpers
3AM: The Outer Limits (Often some real babeage on that show)
4AM: Cagey Public Access Variety Hour
430: Classic Moments in Breakdance
5AM: News
6AM: A-Team
7AM: Riptide
8AM: The Equalizer
9AM: Alf
10AM: Price is Right
11AM: Miami Vice
12PM: In the Heat of the Night
1PM: '80s Music Countdown
2PM: '80s Music Countdown
3PM: '80s Music Countdown
3PM: Sportscenter
4PM: Cosby Show
430: Max Headroom

   I tried to put some lighter fare in the daytime like Alf, Heat of the Night and Price is Right in there in case people want to veg out, step out to the grocery store, do some ironing, etc., same kinda thing for bedtime.  Still - there's never anything on!