 |
| Tuscan nirvana, with futuristic slicing technique |
My self-esteem must be recovering because I just made my first action figure of myself, and I am back to writing petulant request letters to corporate food headquarters.
~~~~~~~~~
Dear DiGiorno:I am writing on 3 points today:
1) I respectfully request you NOT discontinue the new Tuscan Style Chicken pizza. You have reached the pinnacle of applied pizza science and it would be a tragedy that you discontinue it. Please quell the rumors circulating on the internet!
2) This is my second time writing in - this time I would like to requisition the regular stores in the 23464 zip code carrying this item - could you please confirm? I intend to stockpile all remaining Tuscan Style Chicken pizzas in local inventory. Thank you again for your outstanding product
3) I noticed on your website that you do have international positions. I am a professional consultant and strategic studies student, and I wish to apply for any of your executive-tier positions in Japan. Request any applicable guidance.Thank you,
Cagey
~~~~~~~~~
Also, the guy on the Freezerburns blog dissing this product is a frickin' nimbnut (not really, but I disagree with his review). He says, "So overall, I was disappointed, but I ate the whole thing. Don’t want to waste food, but I would never buy this again. If you like ranch dressing, you’ll love it. If not, don’t get it, you can’t scrape off the sauce." Too bad every commenter below him went completely 180. YOU'LL GET YOURS, BUDDY! 
Update: Form letter response?! Well, I never! (Read on only if you're really interested in knowing the epilogue.)
~~~~~~~~~
Dear Mr. Cagey, [* Editor's note: EGAD!]
Thank you for contacting Nestlé® on the Internet. Questions and comments from our consumers are always welcome! We have read your email and researched your inquiry. For more information on career opportunities, please visit our website.
As you may know, we produce and market a variety of products. While we would like every store to offer each item we make, it is their decision as to which products they will carry. If you don't see the product on the store shelf, we also encourage you to ask the store manager for an "item not available" or "I want this item" request form and fill it out.According to our records, you may be able to purchase this product at one of the stores listed below;[redacted for security reasons]
To find stores in your area selling the meals which interest you, please use the Store Locator tool available on our Nestleusa.com website. You can access that directly by clicking Nestleusa.com. If the item is not available in our item locator, this would mean the information is not yet available.
Once again, thank you for your interest in our products and we hope you'll visit our website often for the latest information on Nestlé products and promotions.We appreciate your interest in our company.
Sincerely,
x
Consumer Response Representative
~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Ms. X, [Note: informal comma used as opposed to formal colon, in response to her informal comma]
It is I who should be thanking you for your rapid response! You must share my passion.
Conducted mission to Kroger in Kempsville with negative results. Worse for the wear yet undeterred, I will continue my search. Thanks for the tips.
On the job opportunities – that’s terrific. I was hoping maybe you had an “in” with the CEO or felt any groundswell for any hot Japan jobs coming down the pipe. (Are you in good with anyone?) I’m willing to do what it takes to land this one. My interests are loyalty to the company first, obviously, but also geographic in nature and I eventually hope to homestead there – in a place that’s safe for my (future) family. Hoping to brand myself as an area subject matter expert by gaining experience in the hot zone.
Please convey my compliments to your staff. I hope by expressing interest in the Tuscan Style Chicken pizza, I can help ensure it will be around for years to come.
All the best,
Cagey
No comments:
Post a Comment